I wish I could go back in time... do you ever wish you could too? Maybe to a memory, a moment or a part of your life that you need to heal or enjoy.
Where would you go back to? Would you heal or enjoy?
For me, I would go back to being a little girl in Holland, spending time with my favorite cousins, grandparents and family. No stress, responsibilities or pain - just innocence, fun, joy and that child-like wonder I seem to have lost along the way. I'd go back to my Opa and Oma's home where the Dutch soup cooking on the stove drifted into every room with it's comforting aroma, and I'd grab the checker-board and sit down with my Oma to play. I'd hear her infectious laugh, and see my Opa sitting on the couch near the window watching us have fun and often drifting off to sleep in his little corner-spot.
It really is the simplicity of it all that both hurts my heart and heals it.
Over the years since they have passed on, I have had instances where I've walked into a room in my home and all of a sudden I start smelling that soup. Out of nowhere. For a few seconds I'm transported back into their little kitchen in Aarle-Rixtel, and time stops. The smell is healing and brings me to the happy time of my childhood where I felt the love of family and togetherness.
So if you ask me, I would go back to the kitchen and enjoy a bowl of soup with my Oma and tell her everything that's on my mind, have a belly-aching laugh with her, hug my Opa tight around his neck and just be in that blissful moment for as long as I could.
They say you shouldn't look back and the past is in the past but I do also feel that you can't move forward with your life in the present, if you haven't healed the past pain and suffering you've endured.
While my memories of my grandparents warm my heart - there are many other moments that have deeply pained me to the point of suppression and depression.
It's just so much easier to have a bowl of soup with my Oma than recognize that there are dots on my timeline that need my attention and care so that I can move forward with my life in a healthy way.
I'll have to put that soup on hold while I travel and heal my past - and then when I have done the work, I can always pour myself a bowl and enjoy what I've accomplished.
So where would you go in time? What would you heal? Where do you need to start?
I've decided to create and draw a timeline of my life, and highlight ages and moments where I know healing needs a little light and love and I'll work from there. It's a start right?
Much like cooking soup - you start with the base and infuse the ingredients into the pot at the right time.